To kill a firebird.

Mood: Ashamed

Listening to: the gnashing of teeth and licking of wounds

God most likely to sacrifice to: Xokha, god of Stone, Strength and Duty

The calamity is so terrible that I can bearly bring myself to write of it. Still, at this time more than any I must remember my Duty to the Great Plan and the True Way of the Old Ones.

A multitude of our troops were sent to fight high elves, yet only a handful have returned. They were ready and waiting for us when we arrived. Our troops were mostly fresh and new to war - some of the saurus warriors were spawned barely 300 years ago - while theirs were elite and deadly. I have never seen any soldiers move so quickly or strike so true. Twas a terrible thing to behold, and I shudder to recall it. Still, some account must be made.

Our initial advance was orderly and well-judged. While the army was led by the mighty Ra Phee-Ki, the main block of warriors at the centre of our line was under the command of the ancient and noble Huan Dae’req-Shon, he who wears the enchanted Crown. While he wore it, no lizardman would dream of anything other than complete obedience, and would face an army of dragons before they fled.

On the left, dozens of worthy skinks attempted to harry the ranks of their vast cohort of horsemen, who were a sight awesome to behold. Unfortunately, they themselves were harried in their turn by enemy archers who were fortified in a nearby building, and many were stuck full of arrows before the battle was barely commenced. Our kroxigors made a... bold attempt to dislodge the archers, before being run down by a surprise charge from their cavalry.

***

“We could go fight der horsies,” said Hax, shifting the weight of his five foot club from claw to claw.

The three kroxigors regarded the “horsies”, with their rank upon rank of glistening muscles, glinting weaponry, glorious banners and grim-faced riders. The horsies looked like they could sweep aside an entire phalanx of pikemen without noticing.

After a few minutes, the lumbering reptiles managed to calculate the difference in numbers between the three of them and the multitude of knights on the left flank. They were also beginning to get a handle on the difference in length between the horsemen’s lances and their own weapons, hefty though the latter might be. Fearless and ancient warriors that they were, they knew a bad fight when it looked them, snorting and rearing, in the eye. Just then, a small hail of arrows flew from a nearby building, killing several skinks.

Quickly their spirits lifted. “I heard dere was shooty eleves in dat wooden...temple ting dere,” said Jax, on Hax’s right, pointing at a large, rustic cottage.  Non-religious buildings were still a tricky concept for many lizardmen. “Shooty elves don’t have dem really big horsies. Dey only has little arrows.”

“Dey probably outnumber us, all dose little, squishy pointy ears. If we was to go in dere and hit a few, it wood practically be heroic,” reasoned Nax, on the left.

Hax smiled, an expression that looked more painful than pleasant on his face. “Get ready boys. Dey will sing of dis day and de brave charge of the Ax brothers for tousands of years, I expect.”

The kroxigors bounded eagerly across the battlefield, staying well clear of the cavalry that was making short work of the few remaining hapless skinks. With a quick smack of his beloved “rock with spikes in”, Hax bashed down the door of the farm house wherein the elven archers were ensconced. To their great joy, the collapsing door crushed two of the elves behind it as it fell. More could be seen moving around upstairs.  The troll-like creatures leapt inside and ran to the staircase. Hax paused as something caught his eye.

“Hey, looks like dere’s some kind of string here, I wonder what it do-”. Stepping on the tripwire by way of experimentation, Hax was unable to finish his sentence. Before he knew what had happened, he suddenly found himself once more on the grass outside. He looked down at the enormous spear that was piercing his abdomen, and then at his two brothers who had been similarly knocked back through the door by the force of the elves’ trap.

Then he looked up at the rapidly closing faces of the approaching horsies, which were full of the light of battle, and the outstretched lances of their riders.

“Ow,” said Hax.

***

On the right flank, the skinks were set upon by a terrifying winged beast that I have hitherto only heard rumours of in the most learned books of beast lore - the Phoenix! It came out of the sky with a terrifying screech, and it was only by a death-defying charge from our cold one riders that the creature’s onslought was stopped.

Twas not enough, however. For our central and strongest portion of the army, that led by Huan, was met by the most fearsome elven warriors I have ever encountered. The fight was fierce but brief, and though many elves were slain, their corpses were far outnumbered by our own. Huan himself was the last to fall, a dozen elven spears sticking from his body. Even the lumbering counter attacks of the huge stegadon Mu’pha-Sa and the savagery of Reks the carnosaur could do little to turn the tide. Seeing the elves’ prowess, Mu’pha-Sa’s handlers lost their nerve and gently persuaded him - with red hot pokers and pointy bits of metal - to abandon the battlefield. Even Reks and Ra saw the merits of well-ordered retreat.

***

With a mighty shout, Ra Phee-Ki and Reks plunged into the fray. Ra’s enchanted blade swung this way and that, slicing through armour and magical defenses alike as if through gossamer. His monstrous mount, meanwhile, idly crushed several warriors with a small flick of its tail.

“Forward lizardmen, we have these warmbloods now!” bellowed Ra. “For the Old Ones! For Lustria! With me, my saurus!”

Ra paused, and suddenly noticed how little heed the elves were paying him. He looked around.

“My saurus?”

All was quiet behind Ra - nothing was to be seen but  a sizeable heap of reptilian bodies where moments earlier a huge cohort of saurus warriors had been engaged in thick melee. An elf carefully pulled his halberd out of the last of lizards and rejoined its ranks. Slowly, the ranks turned to face Ra, fire in their eyes, weapons held ready.

“Gah’mak,” muttered Ra. “Stupid newbies. I have to do everything myself these days. Come now, Reks, we’ll do this the old fashioned way. Kill, boy! Kill!”

Reks swallowed the last of the elf he was chewing and looked up at Ra sheepishly. “Ruh-ruh. Swords. Sharp!”

“Oh, sharp you say, you big wet mammal! You’ve gone soft in your old age! What happened to the Reks who built a mountain of skulls in Bel Allad? Who ate the entire shrieking horde of Vlad the Eccentric? Those pointy ears aren’t the only ones with sharp swords, you know - look at this!” Ra waved his magical Blade of Realities around in front of the carnosaur’s eyes. The weapon was said to have been forged by the gods themselves in the early days of the world, and left a shimmering trail as it moved. “This is the sharpest sword in existence! Come on, Reks! We can take- ...bugger.”

In his battle-hungry agitation, Ra lost his grip on the Blade of Realities, which flew through the air and stuck point-first in the turf, directly in front of the elven captain. The world stood still for a few moments. Then, without a word, the elf hefted the sword, and his entire unit surged towards the unarmed oldblood.

“Rrrun?” said Reks.

“Aha. Well, yes, given the circumstances, I think a tactical retreat in this case may be prudent.” He paused. “Hm, maybe I wasn’t clear. RUN LIKE THE FOUR WINDS, BOY!” With that, the pair bounded off into the distance.

***

For my own part, it was all I could do to stem the tide of high magic that flowed through the enemy’s spellcasters. Fortunately I came equipped with the Cube of Darkness, which my Lord Tzu Dhok’u had acquired from goodness knows what nefarious source, and had graciously lent me. It proved indispensable in covering our retreat from the barrage of magic missiles aimed in my direction, as I managed to suck all the magic out of the surrounding area. I was also aided by the honourable H’pui, my skink acolyte, who, other than accidentally unleashing the untrammeled forces of raw magical energy from his mind at one point, mostly performed admirably.

Perhaps the most honour from the battle should be given to Sparqi the salamander. Sadly, all the other salamanders were late for the portal trip, so he is our lone fire-breather on the campaign. A sickly and irritable creature at the best of times, he has been pining for his Lustrian jungles ever since he arrived. When the battle first started, he immediately devoured one of his handlers in protest at the treatment, but afterwards he calmly went about his own business, ignoring the manifold missiles shooting past him and casually wandering through the heat of the battle as if strolling through his leafy home. His occasional belches of scorching napalm succeeded in reducing an entire elfen unit to so much ash, without which the battle would have fared even worse than it did.

To say that the news of the defeat will displease Tzu Dhok’u is to say that a thunderlizard is a little on the large side. I do not envy Ra at this particular juncture, who has gone with H’pui to see him, but I will sacrifice one of the sheep that we half-heartedly plundered on the way home and pray that Xokha gives them the strength to do their duty.

§ Zhat Tziki, High Priest §

***

“UNTHINKABLE!” shrieked Tzu Dhok’u, the slann Mage Priest, tongues of light blue flame bursting from his head. “You! This is YOUR fault!” he continued, with one trembling finger stretched towards the hapless H’pui.

“My honourable, most glorious Lord,” began H’pui.

“Enough, I will not hear any mewling excuses!” cried Tzu. There was a brief tension in the room, and suddenly the skink’s brain exploded. Ra Phee-Ki stared in horror at the tottering body beside him as it gently collapsed.

“Hm. Well I guess that makes me feel a little bit better,” stated the slann, turning his attention towards the larger lizard. “Well? What have you got to say for yourself, Ra? Aren’t you supposed to be the great general around here? Do you have any excuses to offer for this...unacceptable outcome?”

Ra gulped. He knew there was only one thing for it.

“This was a vicious, cowardly and unprovoked attack by heathen warmblooded scum, my Lord. We were outnumbered ten to one, we fought bravely to the last man, but the uncivilised pretenders were too tricksy and cunning for us. The insult will never be forgotten by those of us who survived. We must exact swift and terrible vengeance!” He waited for his words to have the intended effect, and then added, “By the way, sir, I see there are now five whole stairs in the innumerable staircase. It’s beginning to look rather splendid, if I do say so.”

Tzu held him in his impassive gaze for some seconds. Ra held his breath. Finally the oversized toad pronounced judgement.

“Well,” he mused, “Have I not always said that the greater the temple, the greater the power of its lord?”

“Sir? I believe the saying is ‘the greater the temple, the greater the power of the Old Ones’, sir.”

“Ah yes, well you say pot’aih-tow, I say pot’ah-tow, isn’t that right? Very well, I have considered the full merit of your words and have weighed the wisdom of the various options open to me. And I have reached the well-formed conclusion, that the best course of action is to exact swift and terrible vengeance on the heathen warmblooded scum. But this time, I will go in person, to see it is done right. Now, be gone! And prepare me an army worthy of my majesty.”

“My lord,” said Ra, bowing quickly and sprinting out the door to freedom.