Irresistable

"Unthinkable!" screamed Tzu D'hoku, unheard amid the thunderous sounds of battle surrounding him. His face contorted into an expression of such pure hatred it would have melted the face off a Tomb King. "When I get my hands on that Ra Phee-Ki, ooh.....Oh!"

This last exclamation was in response to a particularly vicious thrust from the snorting and careering gorebeast, which came within inches of the supreme Mage Priest's sublime leg.

It had not been a good day for Tzu. First he learned that his loyal lieutenant Ra had abandoned his post to join the side of the ingrate rebel offshoot of his mighty army. Then, just as he set off in pursuit, his somewhat diminished force was set upon by an army at least...oh, 25% bigger than his own.

Under a rampaging standard, the enemy cavalry, clad in huge, black, spiky and skull-encrusted armour and riding giant demonic mounts, had decimated the saurus blocks and stegadon on the left flank. While the saurus on Tzu's right had, with Mup’ha-Sa's devastating aid, managed to drive off a few chariots and bloodcrushers, their predatory instinct had gotten the better of them and they'd pursued a few stragglers far into the distance. Now Tzu was all alone, with the forces of Chaos closing in on every side, the most immanent of which was the merciless and frenzied gorebeast, who was currently demolishing the Slann's temple guard as if the giant reptiles were so much wet tissue.

It was ironic, mused Tzu, that these fine chaos warriors, with whom he frankly had more ideological overlap than most of his own species, would be the ones to put an end to his all his schemes.

Tzu blinked. That was ridiculous. NO ONE PUTS AN END TO THE SCHEMES OF LORD DHOK'U, he thought. Something would have to be done. He looked at his remaining guardians, gallantly stepping up to be slaughtered one by one. Time for some wise, fatherly words of inspiration.

"KILL THAT THING, YOU IMBECILES" he screamed. "SAVE ME, OR I'LL FRY YOUR INTESTINES IN COOKING OIL! GET IT AWAY FROM ME!"

He looked around. There was a pile of bodies, and a furious gorebeast that seemed to be taking a short breather, but was clearly thinking lovingly of the many ways it would shortly dash Tzu's bloated body to smithereens.

Two last temple guards got unsteadily to their feet, badly wounded but still impassively determined to do their duty. They felt a great blight on their souls begin to lift as the affects of the enemy's spells wore off. They didn't know it but Tzu's latest skink attendant had kept his head and was bringing about a harmonic convergence that guided their minds to think and see more clearly.

"You got any family, Staetz?" said one.

"Eh? I've got 561 brothers back in Hexoatl," replied Staetz. "You?"

"Just 317 brothers, myself. Small spawning. I wonder where they are now, and if they know I'm about to get eaten."

"Come on now, AJ. We can do this." Staetz tried his best, but the bloody corpses of their comrades made his words less convincing. "Hey, remember that time we fought the Rat Ogres in the Piranha Swamps? We got through that didn't we?!"

"Yeah we did get through that. We could actually hit the rat ogres though. This thing has some Nurgle mark or such. We can't even touch it."

"Nonsense. We've just been going about it wrong. Let's think about this sensibly, if we try and -"

"STOP WHITTERING AND KILL THAT THING!" screached Tzu dementedly beside them. Just then, the gorebeast lunged in its final assault. There was a blur. In a act of determination, bravery and unparalleled heroism, Staetz and AJ moved faster than they thought they even could. Silence ensued as they stared at the steaming body, two halberds buried in its skull.*

After a couple of seconds, Tzu recovered.

"AHAHAHAHA! YOU SEE?! THE FORCES OF TZU DHOK'U ARE ALWAYS VICTORIOUS! I'M INVINCIBLE!"

"You're a loony," muttered AJ.

"FORWARD, MEN!" continued the slann.

Tzu seemed to swell with confidence and surged, cackling, towards the enemy troops with little whisps of lightning flickering around his body. A powerful chaos sorcerer attempted to confront him with a spell.

"NEVER!" shrieked Tzu. "BOW BEFORE ME!" he began to channel magic in vast quantities, trying to suck the life out of the sorcerer. The latter resisted, and a small hurricane began to whip up around them as they psychically duelled.

"Uh, boss," said Steatz. "This is starting to look a bit dangerous..." Tzu took no notice, but continued to shriek like a maniac, his eyes full of the glow of power. Staetz looked at AJ. They both began to sidle away slowly.

In a final scream, Tzu's voice cut through the carnage. "I'M...IRRESISTABLE!" Suddenly there was a vast explosion. The two temple guardians, saviors of the lizardmen, were vaporised in an instant. The chaos sorcerer's body fell limply to the ground, a shrivelled husk dissolving to dust. Tzu grinned happily, glowing with the lifeforce he had just extracted.

"There, I feel much better now." He looked around. "Well, no more guardians, but hey, it's not like I ever needed them for much. Here come my saurus and stegadon, back in time to destroy the rest of the miserable warmbloods. Carry on, minions."

*After three rounds of combat, my TG had failed to do a single wound and the 25-strong unit had been reduced to just two. In the fourth round, the gorebeast proceeded to roll exclusively 1s and 2s, and I exclusively rolled 5s and 6s (even so, I wouldn't have killed it if the soul blight spell hadn't worn off.). Not that it did the poor guardians much good in the long run...